It's embarrassing to admit this, but I find myself consumed with jealousy a LOT.
I get jealous when someone announces they're pregnant.
I get jealous when someone goes on vacation.
I get jealous when someone buys a house.
I get jealous over things I really have no need to be jealous of.
I'm not proud of it; I think my jealous tendencies are one of the ugliest things about me. I believe that things will happen when they are supposed to, but the problem is that I have very little patience.
Ah, patience, that lovely little virtue that has eluded me for so long.
How does one become patient? Is patience something you can learn? Sometimes I feel like I'm learning patience as I wait for things to happen, but then I hear something that makes me jealous and I feel like maybe I haven't learned any patience at all. It's a vicious circle.
I always seem to forget that I have God on my side. He should be the first place I go with my problems, yet I seem to forget that until I've dragged myself into a hole of pathetic despair and made everyone else around me feel worse too. I was feeling particularly woe-is-me about the baby thing last night, and it was really dragging me down. That's not the way I want to feel.
So I prayed for peace.
I woke up this morning feeling refreshed, although I did not have much sleep. I found out that yet another friend is pregnant today, and I did't get sad, or cry, or pout, or ask why not me...I just went on with my day. It was a good feeling. My God is always there for me when I need him, and that's an even better feeling.
On my Facebook feed, I saw this post from my granny's church: Sometimes the Lord calms the storm. Sometimes He lets the storm rage ansd claims his child. I think that's an important thing to remember. Sometimes bad things are going to happen in life. It's not a punishment; it's just something to learn from and grow from.
So I leave you with a scripture that I need to remember to hold close to my heart (it also happens to be the inspiration behind one of my favorite songs, so I'll leave you with that too :)
But those who hope in the LORD will renew their strength. They will soar on wings like eagles; they will run and not grow weary; they will walk and not be faint.
-Isaiah 40:31 (NIV)
"Everlasting God" performed by Lincoln Brewster